Smitty's Magic Strands Make Centenarian's Day

Hockey Helmulleteer[TM] Ryan Smyth recently used his pileous pulchritude to make an old lady's day. It seems the Oilers star's oleaginous mane was just what the doctor ordered for centenarian-plus-one Lilian Hosking, as her lone birthday wish (and c'mon, it's nice she can even remember one wish at that age) was to be draped in "Smitty's" billowing backthatch of hirsute distinction. Happy Helmullet to you, Lilian!

HELMULLET ON ICE: RASTA RIGHT WINGER!

Must be something in the water up in East Lansing. Former Spartan skater Anson Carter is now an NHL veteran, flying up the right flank for the Vancouver Canucks, his braided helmullet trailing behind him like a lost defenseman. (Tip of the hat to Eric for the pointer and pic.)

SAMOAN SPARTAN SPORTS SUPERSIZED SCARLET HELMULLET

A reader, Glenn, writes: "I love [Helmullet Mania]. You gotta get a picture of the Michigan State Samoan, can't spell or pronounce his name. He has a reddish afro and a long long helmullet."

Glenn, we're certain you're referring to MSU Spartan Domata Peko, owner of perhaps the most prominent collegiate helmullet in the land. Despite spanning 6 feet 2 inches of heigh and weighing in at a plush 320, the nimble D-lineman is perhaps best known for his opportunistic, infamous, disputed, "no tuck rule" fumble-recovery and subsequent 74-yard streak to daylight against my beloved Michigan Wolverines earlier this year.

Thanks for reminding me.

MILD MANNERED MOSS SHOWS MANE BUT NO HELMULLET

It's fairly easy to find photos of Randy Moss looking like the Heat Miser. What's been tough thus far is to find photographic evidence of a helmullet. It seems, by and large, the shy and retiring Moss has managed to tuck his billowing backthatch of hirsute achievement up into his helmet, rather than let it cascade boldly down his man-back, as is the helmullet custom. We at Helmullet Mania will keep looking.

RASTA RICKY IS HELMULLET ROYALTY

Sure, the Dolphins' one-and-only "Rasta Running Back" Ricky Williams may lack dedication on the football field. But when it comes to cultivating a first-rate helmullet, he was nearly peerless in his heyday.

ET TU, ANCIENT WARRIORS?

There are those who think the Helmullet originated in ancient times, as a sign of its wearer's virility and bad taste.

UFH: UNIDENTIFIED FLYING HELMULLET!

This picture is Helmullet Heaven. Randy Moss, he of the occasional steel wool helmullet, is being pursued by a member of the Green Bay Packers' helmullet-leading defensive secondary, his helmullet in full billow. To whom does this dazzling display of follicular pageantry belong, dear readers? Pray tell.

HELMULLETS ARE HARD WORK!

Raiders safety Ray Buchanan told SI, "I fly a young lady in from Atlanta every other Friday to do my hair, retouch it, wash it." He then added, "I truly enjoy driving my helmet into opposing wide receivers exposed midsections and crushing their internal organs into a pulp."

YOU SAY POLAMALU, I SAY HELMULLET

What is it about playing in the defensive secondary that inspires such monstrous manes? Troy Polamalu is a Steeltown safety with a world-class backthatch. Check ol' boy out!

HAVE HELMULLET, WILL TRAVEL

Itinerant NFL defensive back R.W. McQuarters favors the braided helmullet, a billowing brocade of hair that signifies him as a man of taste and style.

HELMULLETS: NOT JUST FOR FOOTBALL

Another helmullet pioneer was NHL center Mike Ricci, a sour-pussed stringbean who almost singlehandedly kept the hockey helmullet alive and billowing.

NFL HELMULLET PIONEER MIKE MCKENZIE

Here's one of the first and most offensive helmullets I ever spotted, spilling out of the helmet of Green Bay's showboat defensive secondary star Mike McKenzie, the fastest Irishman of all time.

A PLACE FOR HELMULLETS

Am considering a blog devoted to the most egregious trend in modern sport: the rise of the helmullet, a thatch of hair cascading out the back of an athlete's helmet. Ugh!